I don’t expect I’ll go for professional treatment, though my parents have offered it repeatedly. It may be biased, it may be unfair, but I’ve always had a feeling that I don’t need that kind of stuff. In my mind, I think of it as meant for “other people.” There’s nothing wrong with the “other people,” really, and I have nothing against them. If that’s what floats their boat, then everyone’s happy. I just like to build my own little raft and set off into the unknown.
It’s rough learning this stuff on the fly, but experience is a wonderful teacher. I gots my little raft a-floatin’ just fine.
In retrospect, I realize that I hold an untraceable prejudice against psychiatry that has always been prevalent and problematic for the profession. It’s not something I’ve been taught or otherwise told, it’s just there in my head. I certainly don’t judge people who go for professional help, but it’s quite possible I’ve ultimately hurt people by unconsciously spreading my unrealistic philosophy of independence. Ho-hum. Something to think about.
I had a psychologist who told me to go to college and stop making games because it was safer. From what I understand, most psyches don’t want to upset you and if it starts to get around to that point, they’ll offer a small criticism along with medicine. Anyway, these lyrics tolly apply to my visit:
i went to see the doctor of psychiatry
weapons of mass instruction finally broke me
he said “act your age, don’t be afraid, take two of these.
now listen real hard, put down that guitar,
don’t be a retard, be all that you can be”
the things he said i could be were laid out right in front of me
would i choose deep fried apathy, mcnuggets where my balls should be,
or super sized conformity? i walked away and i’m still me
free to go fucking crazy, free to know why i’m angry
I like to say the McNuggets thing but I don’t want to say it to people and sound pretentious. ;___; But even today I was thinking “man I hope MurCity works out.. it’s going so slowly” and I just think, man, there’s nothing else I could do that would make me happy like game development. I could be creative, but for another person, and I guess that would be okay? I could create sites, professional web design. But would I still be happy at the end of the day? Would people know my name, could I build a network?
I know I’m still young, but the clock ticks away. I’m gonna be 22 soon. Then Miriam will be here? And I’ll be close to 24. When will I be a father? When will people know my name, when can I stop worrying about deadlines and just create things for fun? I want a family, I need to have lots of money for that.
Is the risk greater than going to college? Honestly, it’s getting closer every day. Ignorant masses are unaware of just how awful college is going to be for them. Kids: if you’re just starting college or will in the future start college, plan for six years. You need to stay competitive in your field, and that will require a master’s degree. If you’re in school now, hell, look at Demi’s tumblr - you need scholarships. Don’t end up in debt because you wanted to play video games instead of acing tests. I miss Shadow Victus, but he’s doing exactly what he needs to right now. =/